Phitens & other obvious scams

Get your very own Phiten® today!

Phiten®’s special titanium design helps you run faster, jump higher, and look cool!

How it works:

Phiten’s douche-y look lets people know that you’re willing to spend $30 on a symbol of dedication!

The revolutionary new marketing strategy known by experts as “blatantly lying” reels in the sales from people who believe that advertising is true!

By using a word most people who are dumb enough to buy one don’t know*, Phiten® leads customers to believe that what they’re buying is designed by top scientists, while at the same time making them feel like a walking dictionary!

So get yourself a Phiten® today, the only necklace acceptable for strait guys on a day other than Mardi Gras!

YOU ARE RETARDED if you think some stupid necklace can make you run faster. And if something is supposed to improve your balance, shouldn’t you wear one on both arms?

*titanium

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